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Jan. 11th, 2009

Self-discipline

So despite the little downs that have been occurring lately, things are pretty good! I've been sick on and off for a few weeks now which sucks but I feel a recovery coming on right now, so I'm going to start on the vitamin C and multi-vitamins. Today I was glad that I actually disciplined myself. I stayed home instead of going to my cousin's birthday party and I did my homework and actually wrote an essay. It's fairly good, and I'm proud of myself. I'm thinking there will be more self-discipline in my near future.

Tomorrow my DVD drive should be coming in the mail, and Dad will install it, therefore I can then finally play my SIMS 2 Double Deluxe game that I bought a few weeks ago. I'm so pumped. But with that, it's going to be interesting. I know how addicting The Sims games can be, so therefore I'm going to be doing a lot of homework IN school so I can do as I please when I get home. Which means less stress. Which is good now that quarterlies are almost here once again.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. But I'm going to be learning piano soon I think. I really really can't wait for that.
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Dec. 26th, 2008

Boys.

So this is quite random, but something I noticed. Lately everytime I start talking to a guy, and becoming friends with him, the guy starts to like me. It's driving me nuts. I know that sounds sort of narcissistic (if that is a word), but it's true. I've met several guys in the past few months, and after talking for a while they start to like me and it's driving me nuts. I just want close guy friends that I'm NOT attracted to, who I don't like anymore than a friend who feel the same way. Is that too much to ask?!?!

And then sometimes it's not even when I meet someone for the first time. Its when I start becoming better friends with a guy I've already been friends with....and I really don't like that. I think that like-liking someone really ruins a good friendship.

When will this maddness stop?

Christmas

So things have been fairly crazy lately. Christmas is finally over, which is really weird. I remember as a kid how it felt like the holidays starting the day of Thanksgiving when everyone started to play the Christmas music on the radio, put up lights, decorations, advertisements on television, etc.

This year Christmas snuck up on me. I was so disappointed, and now it's gone. I felt bad because I was not able to buy ANYONE gifts, not even my own parents. Although they gave us money to buy the other parent a present, I still wish I could have done something nice for both of them.

For Christmas I didn't get the treadmill as I had asked for. I didn't even ask for a NEW one. I wanted a used, working one. Not expensive, but the boys got spoiled and Dad ran out of money, I guess. But Mom got me my makeup I wanted. I also got spoiled by my aunt with all these beauty products. My cousin Britt gave me a ton of barely worn clothing from American Eagle on Christmas Eve, and I'm pretty set on clothes for now.

I've got a lot to do over vacation, just my schedule is quite unplanned for now. No one is telling me a specific date for plans, and I'm kind of clueless. I don't want to make any plans without knowing what is going on for sure yet. But, I suppose it's all exciting not knowing and all.


Anyway, I'm happy because I just got new strings on my guitar, and such. They're medium so I shall be doing much callus building up this break. =]

Dec. 17th, 2008

Update once again lol.

Well a lot has been going on lately. I've kind of been thinking a lot. I feel incredibly lazy, and I know I need to change that. A lot of change is needed in my life at the moment.
1. I'm too lazy, and I need to get up and do something when it's gotta be done, not procrastinate.
2. I've been putting of my school work, and not doing it sometimes. Especially important work. NOT COOL!
3. I need to go on a diet finally.

So, I'm going to commit to these three things, I'm thinking. I have an awfully stressful life because I don't do the important things I need to. I need to get well, and start paying attention!

But anyway, today was a quick day. Weird things have been happening. See, most of the stories I tell lately revolve around either me going to the bathroom or me and a toilet, or something of the sort. And so here's my story:

Yesterday I had study hall first block. I had to pee REALLY bad. I drank three tons of tea that morning. So, I go into the cafe bathroom, and there are two stalls. An average sized one, and then the handicapped one. I go in the normal one, I look down when I'm going...and there's this BIG spider on the floor. Right near my foot. I thought it was fake at first, a joke someone was playing. But then the dang thing moved toward me, and being me...(I had sweats on...) and I jump off the toilet, without even thinking. Somehow I managed to like stop going to the bathroom in the meantime. And I jump out of the stall with pants down, and pull 'em up and I booked! It was so scary. :[

But anyway, today I had study hall again, and I found TWO MORE spiders in the bathroom. Not nearly as big as the first one (which was almost two inches in diameter COUNTING the legs.) But they're nasty, and are breeding. I refuse to use that bathroom ever again in my life at MHS. Haha.

I had quick classes. No teachers are really doing much, so it's easy on me. After school Jennie was SUPPOSED to come over to my house after school, but Dad changed his mind, so I went to her's. Well actually, we went on her bus and ended up at Cassie and Amber's. Speaking of the bus...I left my cellphone on it AGAIN. And I called it immediately, and someone picked up, and I was like "Hey you, give the bus driver my phone." I guess I knew the kid he was from Durham, aha. So that helps.

So we hung out and watched HOUSE, then went to Matt and Paula's. There I helped with with his Advanced Chemistry homework, and I felt all smart like with the white board at hand showing him how to do it hahaha.
:] And I got the problem right, what do you know. :D

Anyway, then at Small Groups we played tons of games and it was so much fun!

Dec. 15th, 2008

Lately.

So lately things have been a little hectic. I'm being really lazy lately, and it's getting to be a bad habit. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to work out, I don't want to even wash my face at night, or do any homework. And I need to get back into the groove of things. I think it's lack of sleep. I feel like I don't have enough leisure time, but in reality I DO because I chill from 2:30pm everyday till like 10. That's MORE than enough time to relax, no?

But then again I got things going on like every day now. Today I went to Gerri's for caroling. Tomorrow is my chill day, and I'm thinking about catching up on homework and working out. Wednesday I have Small Groups. Thursday I'm doing nothing again. Then Friday is my youth group. I'm sleeping over Jennie's on Friday. Saturday I have chores to do. Sunday is band practice and church. It's like that over and over again.

But band practices are going well. I can now play five worship songs. I want to learn so many more soon. :] Will and I are working on this Chiodos song, and I'm finally able to belt the high notes, and it's amazing. I didn't know my voice can do that kind of stuff. :]

Well, enjoy!



Dec. 7th, 2008

Posted using TxtLJ (http://www.livejournal.com/manage/sms/)

I feel like there are a ton of friends God has been telling me to get rid of lately. Everyone has been so jerkish I'm so tired of it!

Dec. 6th, 2008

"Blue Like Jazz" reflection/journal entry essay

So I just found a ton of essays that I wrote last year in English class, and I found one from three months after I was saved...and It's basically journal entries on chapters while I was reading Blue Like Jazz. Hope you enjoy!!!

May 1, 2008

Blue Like Jazz Chapter 6: Redemption

"With me, though it was different. I really wanted to please God. I mean, I sort of wanted to please God. I felt like God had done something personal and real in my life." I thought this was a cool quote, because a lot of people just follow God because others are doing it...depending on the people we are friends with, it may seem 'cool' to be Christian, but I think there's a difference in doing it to please others and doing it to please God. I can completely relate to this quote, because I know God gave me the greatest gift of all, and he's blessing me with more than I could ask for, and it's all to him I owe...I want to please Him for all He's given me.

This chapter featured a comic about 'Don Rabbit' and 'Sexy Carrot'. Basically in this comic Don Rabbit is chasing Sexy Carrot. What I interpreted was that Don Rabbit here not only represents the author, Don but also every one of us. What I also believe is that Sexy Carrot represents a worldly desire we have. Don Rabbit chases after Sexy Carrot, and FINALLY after much hard work catches it. The moral here was "If you work hard, stay focused, and never give up, you will eventually get what you want in life." Yet, afterward Don Rabbit choked on the carrot, and he died. There was also a second moral to this story. "Sometimes the things we want most in life are the things that will kill us."

What I figured, as I said before, Sexy Carrot was Don Rabbit's worldly desire. Eventually, he dies from his worldly desire. Although not all of our worldly desires are going to necessarily 'kill' us, they pull us away from God. This rather destroys our relationships with Him, and pleases Satan. In other words, Sexy Carrot represents things like lust, drugs, sexy, lying, relationships, busyness, things we get addicted to, and brings us deeper into sin. But, there is something else I got out of this cartoon. God created us to desire certain things. But, they're not worldly things, but things of Heaven, more so spiritual things. If we desire what He created us to, stay focused, set our hearts on it, and ask Him to help us on our journey, He will give us everything we need. As long as we have faith in Him, He will provide for us. For example, He has already given us the greatest gift of all: eternal life, and His unfailing love. Pertaining to what I said before, I found a verse: (Matthew 6:33) "But seek first His Kingdom and HIs Righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

On the last page of the chapter, Don mentions a scripture on how easy it is to love the darkness, and how hard it is to love the light. Jesus gives us the ability to love the things we should love, the things of Heaven. I liked this, and it reminded me of a verse I read too. It reminds me of how we need to overcome sin. It's not going to be very easy to, but we have to, and the more we do, the easier it is to love the light, and the good things. (John 3:19-21) "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."


 
Blue Like Jazz Chapter 7: Grace

"If I were to fail at following God it was because those around me weren't trying hard enough." I chose to reflect on this quote, because it reminded me of a story I read a few months ago in the Bible. It's a story in the book of John (John 5) where Jesus heals a lame man. Basically, there's this healing pool where all the blind, lame, and paralyzed went. Everyone once in a while the angels come to stir this pool, where all the paralyzed and lame gets a chance to become healed. Jesus approaches the lame man who had been that way for 38 years and asks him, "Do you want to get well?" Which obviously, considering this man couldn't move for all his life, he wanted to. The invalid replies with, "Sir, I have no one to help me in when the water is stirred. When I am trying to get in someone goes down ahead of me." Quite frankly, this man wasn't getting better because of those he surrounded himself with. If he TRULY wanted to be healed, he would surround himself with those who can help him, and find a way into the pool quickest. This ties into the quote I chose, because I strongly believe you're influenced by those who you choose to surround yourself with. If everyone around you isn't putting much effort into anything, you're not going to be trying any harder than any of them.

Toward the end of this chapter I thought it was kind of cool that I had found a quote, "Your life is not your own, but you have been bought at a price." I actually remember this as a verse ... I read it a while back (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) Not much significance here, though. It was discussed when a man 'heard God speaking to him,' yet he was on drugs at the time, so I'm pretty sure it was just him remembering a verse. In the Bible this verse refers to sexual immorality, so again, it doesn't really make any sense to be here.

 
Blue Like Jazz Chapter 11: Confession

In this chapter Don was talking about a church he goes to, and how his pastor was pretty serious about loving people regardless of whether they considered Jesus the Son of God or not, and this got me deep into thought reading on. Later in the chapter at Reed, the college Don attends, he and his friends decided to change what was a silly idea into reality. They had the idea of creating a booth in the center of the college campus on the weekend where the school had a festival (pretty much where everyone gets drunk, high, and tries every possible drug imaginable.) So he and his friends build this booth, and it was to be a confession booth. Now, at this school there were only a very insignificant amount of Christians there, and to actually go through with this idea would be pretty much crazy. So, at this booth they finally decide not to have everyone else confess their sins, but for the Christians running the booth to make confessions to everyone visiting the booth.

This relates to what the pastor said before, because while having discussions in the booth, Don and his friends had realized one of the reasons everyone had something against Christians was because of the way (trying not to generalize) but how most Christians come off to people. To others, sometimes Christians seem to try to shove beliefs down non-believers' throats, and try to force Christ on them...bringing them down if they chose not to listen. And that's not what we should be all about at all. As Don said, that would be getting in the way of the central message of Christ. It was also a mixture of how Christianity is publicized. "All these well-dressed preachers supporting Republicans on television," people see this and it's not Christianity...it's someone taking a Christian and tossing him into a world of politics. People see this, and completely miss what Christians are all about.

Anyway, I think this was pretty cool how Don had taken such a fearless step to show a group of the most judgmental, critical people on campus what Christians should really be all about, and to explain to them why the image of a Christian has been corrupted.

 
 
Blue Like Jazz Chapter 18: Love (Loving Others)
 

This chapter was about how to love other people. There was this one guy that Don went to church with, and he expresses how he really couldn't even stand the kid. He was rude, said 'dude' before every other sentence, and had no manners whatsoever. He explained how every time he talked to this guy at the church he would roll his eyes, mouth the word 'loser' after he did something stupid, and give off a vibe of negativity toward him, because he didn't like him. Now, Don wanted this kid to change, he didn't know how, so he resorted to the negative body language. Basically, what he did was withhold love trying to get him to change. "Rather than being drawn to me, wanting to change, he was repulsed. I was guilty of using love like money, withholding it to get somebody to be who I wanted them to be...I was disobeying God." He then knew that in order to get his friend to change he would have to do exactly what God does for us: shower us with His love, and never withhold it to teach someone a lesson.

I got a lot out of reading this chapter, because it's something I really didn't think of. I wonder how many of us are guilty of showing a negative attitude toward someone because we don't like them, and want them to stop whatever annoying thing they do just so we can like them. Don had said that if someone senses that you don't like them, then your ideas will seem wrong to them. They're not going to want to listen. If they sense that you like them, they're going to be open to what you have to say. Soon Don showed his love for this guy, and he changed his way.

Also another thing discussed was how when we're conversing with someone there are two conversations going on; One verbal, but one with our hearts too. "The Bible says that if you talk to someone with your mouth, and your heard does not love them, that you are like a person smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everyone around you." I thought this was interesting, because it seems to me a lot like high-school. There are so many people who are 'fake,' and it really annoys everyone when they hear that person talk and not be true. They know that this person's heart is not true, and it's pointless for that person to even be talking. No one wants to hear a lie.


 
Blue Like Jazz Chapter 19: Love (Loving Yourself)

This is probably one of my favorite chapters throughout the entire novel. I think it had a lot of focus on self-image, and the way we perceive ourselves. Don had this girlfriend, and he was dumped because he was always so negative about himself. His looks, his personality, he judged himself way too much, and it only brought him down. Every compliment he turned down because it felt immodest to accept the compliments. One of the big quotes of this chapter would be "God wants you to receive His Love, and for you to love yourself too."

You're supposed to love your neighbor as yourself, as so to speak, and Don believes that God was telling him at this time that it's not right talking to yourself like this. You would never talk to your neighbor the way you talk to yourself, that after a while because you know it's wrong to kick others around that somehow it becomes right to kick yourself around. You're supposed to give love, he knew that, but by not receiving love from others, that's wrong, because you're preventing someone from giving love. "God's love will never change us if we don't accept it." It shows how important it is to accept love, and to love yourself.

 
Blue Like Jazz Chapter 20: Jesus
 

In this chapter Don talks about how he knows this guy named Alan who basically interviewed all of these pastors of successful churches across America. So one time Alan told this story of when he went to interview this pastor named Dr. Bright. He asked Dr. Bright a few questions then asked him what Jesus means to him. Dr. Bright started crying. "I knew that I would like to know Jesus like that, with my heart, not just my head." I liked this quote from Don, because it's surely one thing to know of Jesus, even every known fact about him, but it's surely another thing to completely build a heart to heart relationship with him.

Next, Don talks about a show he watched where this mother's son is on death row, and is going to be executed. They show her in her home with no narration at all while she gets the call that her son has been executed. This woman drops to her knees, he said, and cries, shaking her fists in anger. He talked about listening to this one Christian singer who sings this song about Jesus' mother, Mary. He wondered about how Mary must have felt when they killed her son on the cross. This brought an unbelievable amount of questions to mind...because really, what must she have felt? Was it the same way this mother felt about her son? But the circumstances were different...

Also in this chapter Don discusses about a Bible study he went to, and how this guy who ran in treads through the entire Bible almost three times a year. I thought this was crazy, how can someone have that much time? The man running the Bible study wanted all the people in the group to get reacquainted with their Bibles, and Don found a quiet place and thumbed through the book of James. Later that night he read through all the gospels. First Matthew, then Mark, Luke, and John. Then he questions whether or not he likes Jesus or not. I thought that was kind of crazy, especially because these books tell about all the amazing things Jesus had done for us, and how he gave his life for us. How can you not like him? After reading the book of Luke, where Jesus is crucified (mind you, this is also in the other books he read before) he finds a great love for his Savior, and begins to cry.

Then, I chose this quote. "I think the most important thing that happens within Christian spirituality is when a person falls in love with Jesus." I think it took a while to wrap my mind around it, but it seemed interesting because in my mind it happens to be something that plays a huge part in Christian spirituality. If you can't build some kind of relationship with Jesus, is it really that possible to become completely spiritual?
 
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Dec. 2nd, 2008

(no subject)

I'm kind of surprised at myself. I haven't blogged in a week. I normally don't do that...I usually have a lot to say, but I guess I've been holding off. This week has kind of sucked. I'm still annoyed with my ex boyfriend. I don't know why on earth, but I still am really kind of interested in him, and it's beyond me because I know it's probably better off if I just leave him alone for a long time.

But, being Michelle I'm gonna sit and make myself miserable. Oh well, though.

So a lot is going on. I finally got two new songs for LP down. "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong United, and another song called "Our God Reigns".

I love both of them, and I'm so excited to finally get some new songs for LP. The same few were getting really boring. But, this Friday is going to be really crazy. The message is supposed to be really helpful, and I'm going to be speaking for a minute or two, and I'm kind of nervous but excited at the same time. I'm trying to find a song about prayer, but I have yet to come across one that would be appropriate for Friday night.

Either way, I'm gonna keep praying, because it's going to be impossible to put a song together for Friday if I don't find a song by tomorrow. But anyway, I'm trying to really do well this quarter in school. I don't know where this burst of ambition came from, but I'm going to use it wisely. I want to shoot for honors, or even higher if I can this quarter. I know I can do it as long as I hand in all my homework assignments. Therefore, it's going to require a lot of reorganizing which I'm going to get to later this week. I need to focus all my attention on school right now, and stuff. I actually ended up shutting my phone off in school today, and I think it helped me focus a lot. Instead of checking my phone every three seconds to look at the time or check for new text messages I was able to listen to class discussions and lessons.

Nov. 24th, 2008

Update of course.

I'm feeling great today. I just worked out, and I feel good. I did 300 reps on the ab workout machine we have. It's ridiculous, and boy did it burn. :] I'm really proud of myself though!!

School is stressful as usual. I feel like I'm going to flunk this quarter. I've been WAYYY too preoccupied.

:[

Nov. 22nd, 2008

Fit

I'm so motivated! I've already started my New Year's Resolution. I'm going to start eating healthier, and I'm going to start exercising. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure 70% of the US population sets the same resolution year after year, but I'm praying I can make a full commitment to get into shape.

I've been feeling so guilty lately. I eat like a pig. At lunch we're limited to the healthy choices. Two days out of the eight day rotation I have first lunch, so on those days I get a chicken Caesar salad because that's the only time you're able to get one. On other days I usually try and eat cheap and get a slice of pizza for $2.00. But it's so unhealthy! All the grease, not to mention the cheese isn't healthy at all for me (being a lactose intolerant especially.) So I'm going to make a plan. On the days of the week that I have first lunch I will buy the salad. Once out of the week I'm going to allow myself a veggie (garden) burger at lunch. I don't mind the taste, and I know from being a vegetarian that they're not high in calories or fat AT ALL. Most usually contain half the amount of calories that a regular meat burger has.

The next step is exercise. I'm going to start exercising regularly. My step-mom FINALLY is allowing me to use the Ab-Lounge she bought, and I can work out on my stomach, but I'm also going to need some cardio. It's impossible for me to run in the cold. With exercise-induced asthma it's a pain to run (literally) and the cold makes the pain even worse, and breathing even harder. Therefore, my step-mom and I figured it'd be a good idea to purchase a treadmill, which may end up being my Christmas present this year.

And speaking of running, I'm going to need to condition myself because I really want to do a sport this spring and I'm thinking either track or ultimate frisbee. Either sport I'm going to need to run so therefore I figure if I start conditioning now it will all pay off soon. :]

I can't wait to feel healthier!
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